Exactly the same day 4 years ago, I picked up the phone, made a call in bed and briefly said,

"Hey I think I want to start a blog."

Exactly the 200th post of DearPostman, yes, believe it or not, it's been 4 years

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From the launch of this little baby which almost exclusively talked about fashion and relationships only, to slowly extending it to travel, food, beauty, and my most and least favourite heart-to-heart.  It's not easy.  And looking through blogposts (aka memories) these days is just even more difficult, especially when this has been a very core part of my life, at least throughout the past 4 years. 

Allow me to say memories do hurt, sometimes.

As much as I tell you I like this place, there are struggles too.  2018 and 2019 have been difficult, so difficult that there are multiple times when I question myself "is it time?".  From planning to taking photos to actually writing all by myself, things just don’t feel right.  My head space doesn’t feel right.  Rather than I don’t enjoy doing it, it's more like it's / I'm never good enough and I haven’t tried my best.  While as much as most of you think I am super tough and confident and know what I want, this time I am not very sure.  Am I good enough?  Is this what I want?  Do I love it?  (Before I answer this question myself, I did go through every single post in the previous year but the answer is still) "I don't know".  Sarcastic enough, some posts were so awful that I teared up reading them.

I know I have always emphasised the importance of self-love, but right now, somehow, I become the person that fails it.  I tried, trust me.  People keep reminding me to let go, and I tried.  Just that turns out it's not that easy, is it?  One step forward, two steps back. Sometimes I wish I have bad memories like Dory, just so I won't remember things. But then after all, is that what I want?

Anyhow, regardless the I-don't-knows, there is one thing I AM sure about and that is I still absolutely love this place and would wish to make the best out of it.  As long as there is one reason for me not to give up, I won't, just not yet.

So there you go, ending this post the way I always do.

All 38 posts from last year:

HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY TO DEARPOSTMAN.COM!

AND

I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ALL AGAIN SAME TIME NEXT YEAR.

 

CC


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