It’s been a year.  A 365 days’ time.

Exactly a year ago, something happened and flipped my world upside down.  If you have followed me for some time, you probably would have known what I am talking about.  Yes, my life changed completely, and it changed me too.  It’s been a year of struggles, denials and hesitations.  Unlike the rational, calm and positive me, I have turned into someone who backed off from trying and trusting.  All of a sudden, my “yes” and “let’s do it” have been replaced by “no”, “what if”, “may be not”.  I was scared, I genuinely had been scared with every move of my life.  I was tough, but I no longer am.  There was a whole month’s time when I'd go to the pier every day at 6pm, sit there and cry.  I'd cry until my tears dried up and stood up and went home.  I'd stand outside my door and squeezed a smile and made sure my family didn’t know.  That was me.  The very tough and stubborn me who had turned hesitant and fragile.

I lost trust.

I also lost trust with the social media and people.  I don’t know if I should post this.  I don’t know if I should write this caption.  Don’t know if this is going to make people hate me.  What people like and what people don’t like.  I just don’t know who I should be - the me me or the me people like to see.  That was the time when I started to drift away from the original me.  I got so lost and thought filling my schedule up would make me feel good.  I became extremely busy, with work, with blogging, with school.  But I still wasn’t happy.  Yes, I was so busy that I got no time to think beyond work, but nothing was good.  I had become sick more frequently too.  Sometimes I am better, sometimes I am worse.  In my worse days, I would just sit in the pier and cry again.

Your smile always makes me happy.

Until a few months ago, someone new came to me and told me “Why are you smiling that happily all the time?  Your smile has always made me feel happy too.”  That line changed me, or - to be more accurate - woke the inner me up.  Yes, like I have always been that happy one and have always been the one who made people happy.  I want that me back.  That’s the time when I found “me” back.  I smile more, I work hard for who I wanna be.  Like you’ve been you your entire life, so you must be good at it.  

I guess I am fine now.

It’s been a year, exactly 365 days.  Throughout the year, I had wanted to write something that heart-to-heart on the issue but every time I sat in front of my laptop, my brain either went blank or really really emo.  So finally, this time I think I am freed.  I am happy.  Big wounds may not heal as time goes by, yet you learn to live with your wounds.  One day you would look at your wound and realise that it does not hurt anymore.  And that’s the time when you are freed.

Thank you.

I wouldn’t have walked through this without you all.  Thanks for liking me for who I am.  You might think you haven’t done anything really, but no, it’s way way more than that.  Therefore, here’s the new Heart-to-Heart series for me to every now and then talk to you.  Any thoughts, updates or even random things.  It’s also open to everyone of you who may be experiencing hardships, sadness, problems, or even if you just wanna share something.  Shoot us an email and talk to us.  You will forever have DearPostman’s back.

They say it’s the happiest place on earth, and they ain’t lying.

Love,
CC

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