Hate to say this word, but I guess it's time to say "goodbye, bae". Another five weeks have passed in a blink and Z has to fly back again. The next time we meet will probably be December, another half year to go. These five weeks, as always, have been absolutely amazing. I can’t be more grateful for Z coming back to me.
In fact, we haven’t done much this holiday. We, again, condensed a six-month period into a quick five-weeks. We went to the beach, chilled in cafes, explored new photo spots, had baking class. We looked for blog ideas and took numerous pictures. If you have followed me in this blog or my instagram for a while, Z is my personal DSLR that has taken those pretty pictures. Credits all to this DSLR behind the HD girl. We don't need much. Merely having Z beside me is already the best feeling I can ever ask for. These five weeks have been even sweeter, even warmer, even more intimate. Z has undoubtedly made my summer another unforgettable one. Every day, I go to bed with all new happy memories and wake up the next morning with hopes and anticipation. I thrive to open my eyes wide and open, so that I won't miss any single moment with Z. I have always been looking forward to the next day because I know I will be seeing Z again.
Sadly, the other side of another happy date means another day being together is gone. Time goes fast. The feeling of missing has started to hit me since last week, no matter how hard I tried to shut down all my instincts. I really wish time could slow down a bit. But, the more I resist remembering Z is leaving soon, the more the memories flow across my mind, tearing me apart. Insomnia has been a keen friend recently. I'm afraid the overloading sweetness may have to be set aside for now. Over the years, we have more time apart than we are together. This is probably the 11th time we say goodbye. I struggle so hard not to count our remaining days, and not to think about the fact that Z is leaving again. I keep reminding myself the story of the half a glass of water, persuading myself to look at the time we have rather than the time that has passed. But, today, we are separating again. I have to admit that I still haven’t got used to the feeling of separation, at least not now, not yet. I can still feel the tears in my eyes, rebellious enough to not roll down my cheeks. Or more specifically, I am in denial to get used to this feeling. In denial to see you locked behind the borders of my mac, unable to touch, hold or hug. In denial to wake up to my very empty schedules. In denial to count the calendar days until December.
"Can you not leave?" is the question I asked every time. I know exactly the answer will only be a "no". But I'll just have to ask, hoping one day, it can be and will be a yes.
But I know, no matter how unwilling I am to accept the fact, I will have to and I will. Whenever I think of you, I will look through the pictures and videos we took and keep all memories close to my heart. I will find more inspirations for DearPostman to grow this little baby of us. Let's continue to work hard through this shit until one day we see each other again.
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again;
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again;
When I see you again.
By the way, I am wearing the smile you give me. I promise I will stay strong and happy and take care of myself when you are not around. I will wait for you until you hold your arms around me again. Goodbye for now, and see you half a year later. Missing you already. xx
With love always, always, always,
I love you, babe.
Always am and Always will,