So we were cuddling on the sofa that day, me staring at Z’s face, doing nothing. The whole scene seems to have happened many times throughout the four years we have been together. Every movement, every contact, is so familiar that it feels like those weird moments you vaguely remember to have happened in your dreams, but you never get to know if that is the actual reality or just a dream.
The most frequently asked question I get regarding my 4-years relationship is if I ever get bored. To my surprise, not really (it still surprises me when I look back at the past time). In fact, our relationship has gradually turned into a kinda "habit" thing.
Habits. Habits are even scarier than the short sparks of love in some way. They are so tiny, so handy and so quiet that they creep in, blend into your daily life, without you noticing. But when you notice, it may be because that item or person has gone already and it feels so weird or even uncomfy without it.
Looking back into Z’s eyes, I wonder since when
… I get so used to keep my phone close to myself 24-7 just in case Z finds me
… I will anticipate my phone to ring at around 11 to 12 because that’s when Z wakes up and calls me
… I eat (very minimal) cheese and matcha because Z likes them
… I only paint my nails nude because Z hates all other unnatural sharp colours
… I leave my hair grow longer even in the boiling hot summer because that's Z’s favourite part of me
… I go straight to the Starbucks cashier to get Z the usual grande caramel macchiato with less ice
… I recognise Z’s perfumes or hairspray or shampoos
… I can distinguish the difference between those very similar black pants
… I start following the menswear trend and keep updated to the latest sneakers trend
… I am so familiar with where towels or tissue rolls are stored in Z’s house
… I get to know Z’s family, friends, those stupidest childhood stories and even the most embarrassing moments
… I am so used to Z’s smell that I can find Z without opening my eyes
… I clearly remember the feeling and temperature of Z’s palms that I will never hold the wrong hand
… I am so used to be on the left when we walk side by side so that I can see Z’s dimples straight away in my height
… every corner of my room is filled with our photos and sweet memories
… Z becomes the first person I think of through my ups and downs
Experts said habits are formed in 27 days. I wonder since when these habits have become an inseparable part of me. I can’t imagine my life without Z anymore. No matter the stupid me or the fragile me, that’s the real and true me. There’s nothing I need to hide. I can’t really explain the reasons for loving Z that deeply in words, but one thing I do know is, I am so used to the existence of this person that I do not wanna let go anymore.
Both of us have changed a lot throughout the years. We grow up side by side, hand in hand, towards the same direction. No matter how much you have changed in the outside, you will always be the cutie I fell in love with five years ago.